I Lost Myself To You

Before I met you I didn't know I was capable of feeling love like that. I didn't know I could feel happiness, and sadness, and anxiety like that. I didn't know I could feel so at home in someones arms like that. I didn't know I could see another person's soul reflect mine back to me through their eyes. I was depressed for such a long time that I felt that was just the way I am now. Cold, calculating and emotionless.

But like a switch being turned on in the middle of the night my heart fluttered intensely and my soul regained its zest for life. I found in you a light leading me to the edge of my darkness. I felt you to be the other side to a coin. Heads to my Tails.

I had no control over my emotions anymore. I was a reservoir of pent up feelings that were bursting through the cracks and you unleashed the floodgates. I opened myself up to you entirely. You saw the core of me and you accepted me for exactly the man that I am. You helped me to carry the weight of my soul when it was the heaviest.

I put my everything into us in that moment and I regret nothing. For the first time in my life I found a purpose greater than myself. For the first time in my life I wanted a family of my own. I wanted a god damn white picket fence lifestyle with you. Why? I have no idea. The suburbs are my hell. But you were my heaven so any sacrifice for the greater good of us I was willing to make. I lost myself to you and the idea of us.

You had your flaws just as I had mine but I loved you for them just as you mine. I don't know if love is the right word for how you felt for me, but I will never know for sure. You had a way of saying one thing with your mouth but another with your eyes. You are the most impressive woman I have ever met and if there is one thing I can say negative about you it's that you set the bar way too fucking high. So thanks for that.

We moved hot and fast. It was over as fast as it started and while you are not in my life anymore I will always carry you with me. You did more than I can say for setting me on the right path out of my emotional void of a life. I found my purpose through you. You were a vehicle for me to reach my own personal goals and if you truly knew me then you would know that is the reason I love you even more now. You left an emotional boot mark on my ass and I'll always be grateful for that. 

Thank you for the time that we spent together.